#NationalAdoptionAwareness Month. R is for #Reasons for #Relinquishment

“What were the reasons you gave up your daughter for adoption rather than being a parent?”

Plain and simple answer: I did not give up my daughter, I chose to create an adoption plan for her as that was the best option at that time in my life.

This is a common question that my family members and I are asked when people find out that I chose to place rather than parent. As much as this can be a polite question, it can also come across as someone wanting to be “nosy”. A couple days after I told my parents that I was pregnant, my mom, dad and I sat down to have a serious talk about what the next steps were. The conversation kind of sounded like this: “What are your plans Amy?” “Well I know, but I really want to parent, I think?” “Have you thought about adoption? And before you fully make up your mind, we encourage you to make a list of the reasons of why you should parent or go for the adoption.”

Mom and I went to individual and family counseling sessions to help process what was going on and how this should be handled. As I made my list, I knew that placing rather than parenting seemed like the more of the right thing to do. I didn’t really want to be a single parent, Scott outright told me that there would be no support from him and he wanted me to terminate the pregnancy. I wanted my child to have a more financially stable home since I became unemployed shortly finding out that I was pregnant. I knew that I would not be able to live with my parents and would have to more than likely live in low-income housing due to not being about to afford anything else. I wanted to eventually go back to school and get at least an Associates or Bachelor’s degree in something so I would not be stuck in jobs that were not ideal. I am sure there were other reasons that I really cannot remember now.

Birthmothers can not all fit into the same small box of why relinquishment was the chosen option. So, if you are on the outside of the adoption world and you are lucky enough to be friends with a woman who feels safe telling you her reasons, be kind, sympathetic and not pass judgement.

To see others on Facebook & Instagram who are participating in this: Follow #LifetimeHealingAdoption to hear from amazing individuals that are opening their hearts this month! #bigtoughgirl #lifetimehealingadoption #birthmom #adoptioneducation #openadoption #adoptiontalk #talkaboutadoption #ownyourstory #womenempoweringwomen #photoaday #adoption #grief #healing #placed #motherhood #adoptee #adoptiveparents #adoptiontriad #loss #parenthood #adoptionprofessionals #adoptionagency #birthmother #adoptionrocks #adoptionishard